Seeing my past to let it go: reflecting on 2017

As we are now nearly a week into 2018, reflecting on 2017 has made me realise what a seriously informative and challenging year I’ve had. At the start of the year I was in dark and insecure place. But with the sprinkle of spring- a time for rebirthing and change, I can definitely say the same thing happened to my mental health and wellbeing. Not only was I able to become more comfortable in my own skin, but it also helped me to progress and feel even more determined on my Acting degree at Bath Spa University. Consequently, I have come to the beginning of 2018 full of aspiration and ready to go.

A field near my Grandparents house

The first six months of 2017 were hard due to the fact that I was deeply unhappy in my own body and mind. I was painfully homesick, chronically anxious, not fuelling myself properly, and not wanting to engage in the wonderful world of socialising as a student, as I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. I was exhausted physically and psychologically, to the point where I felt numb because I was so drained. Even though I was beginning to take more of an interest in my course- I distracted and engrossed myself in the world of Chekhov, obsessing over the life of Anya in The Cherry Orchard instead of my own; this gruelling state took a good four months to even begin to tackle. However, once I finally got the message from my worried family and friends, and the magical ‘click’ that so many people talk about, I realised I couldn’t be this sad and lost person and continue the way I was anymore, and so I decided to turn it all around.

My flatmates at D203 Waterside Court (Bath Spa halls)

Anya and Varya

The results were incredible. I started to really appreciate everything and everyone around me, and really started to feel genuinely ‘alive’ and with myself again. I went out more, I opened up to my closest mates at uni, no longer feeling isolated and felt reconnected. I began cooking vegan recipes to rediscover my love for food, and to properly teach myself about nutrition and self-love for your body. I visited Lincoln and Loughborough University as well as: Broadstairs, Bristol, Devon and Weston-Super-Mare; I ended up visiting more places in the country in one year than I think I have in my twenty years of existence! Since completing First year, I’ve left halls with flat mates, experiences and memories I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. I went back to Essex, got a job, went to V festival with some of my acting pals, saw shows, gigs and exhibitions and finally felt like I had my feet firmly on the ground again.

Group 3 Composition

Lovborg and Hedda

Visiting Weston-Super-Mare

Visiting Lincoln

V festival

As a result, the first term of Second year has successfully whizzed by, at an alarmingly fast rate. Living in a house with three other girls who all have similar interests and tastes has made living in Bath so easy. On my degree, not only have I been lucky enough to be in two devised pieces- directed by my fellow course-mates, but I’ve also had the chance to direct my own piece as well. Although I can safely say I originally would not have put myself as a director, I have learnt so much along the way whilst guiding my group into the world of Miss Havisham, that I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to do, despite the initial weight and stress. Equally, I have been supported by such a lovely bunch in my year, as well as my family and friends back at home (in Bath and London) who have helped me every step of the way to help me find my place, and solved my melodramatic breakdowns with a good old cup of tea.

My lovely housemates for 2nd Year

It really does sound clichéd that it is at uni that you ‘find’ yourself, but I can honestly admit this is the challenge that I needed to learn; now I know myself I feel so much more content in my life. I wanted to share this to show that no matter how dark and dreary a period of your life may feel, you honestly need patience and time to see through it. It’s okay to be blinded by its brooding fog, sometimes it can take a while to realise that your closest ones are trying to help you in the long run. By reflecting on my own experience of 2017, I’ve learnt not to view it as negative but as a massive challenge that has shaped who I am today. It is a positive reminder to show where never to go back to, and if I ever have a dark day to remember how much worse I was at the start of last year compared to now. 

So now I can happily say I look to 2018 with a smile and open arms. I’m ready to get back into second year, and to see what’s in store, and to make 2018 as good as the second half of 2017 was- except this time making it a whole year; seeing my glass as half full rather than half empty. 

All my love,

Odette